So...already an update with the boy situation. I believe that boy is no longer in the picture while boy #2 is getting firmly into the picture. Basically, I spent three hours talking with Brandon and an hour of that was spent cuddling. Okay, so it was work cuddling, but still. We were sitting right next to each other on the steps during his lunch break (I had already been clocked out for hours) and I received a ten minute back massage. Never fear, though. I told him that I'm not easy and I demand dinner and a movie. I want to be courted before anything more serious happens and I told him this so hopefully something will come of it. Also, I'm the first white girl he's had a thing with. Yay for being special?

Late night ramblings and only getting five hours of sleep the night before never make for a good combination but you know what? Fuck off. It's been fifteen weeks since I last updated my journal since I've gone the more tech-savy approach and gotten myself a twitter. At work, it's incredibly easy to give a quick update via a 140 character text than it is to log onto my computer and type out what I remembered after the event is no longer funny. So many things have changed in my life (like always) and really, after watching a week straight of Dead Like Me, I can only wonder about the whys in my life.

For example: Why am I so freaking unhappy right now?

I have tried to fix my life in so many ways and I know that I've gotten loads better but, in the grand scheme of things, have I really changed for the better? I'm still a selfish bitch (Not to be harsh, only honest. Laughing when kids hurt themselves and honestly not giving a fuck isn't exactly "nice" behavior.) I have changed my diet, my routine, my social habits, the way I view/feel about myself...everything. Yet here I am at one in the morning typing about my woes in an online journal. I'm upset with my life and I feel as if for the first time, I really have no effing idea of where to go from here.

If there's one thing I have pride about in my life, it's how self-aware I am. Even if I don't admit to certain flaws, chances are that I'm fully aware of those flaws and think of them constantly. Early today I was told that the worst critic is ourselves and that's the freaking truth. I know I can be exceptionally harsh with myself but isn't that the way humans need to grow? If I can name my flaws then I can go about trying to fix them. In this moment in my life, I can name my flaws (being in a rut) yet I haven't been able to lessen this horrible feeling I've been carrying around with me. During other points in my life I've had something to look forward, such as going to college or going on a trip to New York. Lately, I cannot seem to get excited about anything. In two weeks I'll be going home to see the family for my mom's ordination and I'm not even the least bit excited.

I have been struggling with depression for years and I have worked so hard to try and overcome it. I've gone to counseling and taken the drugs, which I hated. I have lost like thirty pounds and I'm in a completely new environment, yet I still feel disgusting, just as I did when I was seventeen and living at home. New environment but the same old feelings. I know that it's supposed to be more inward changes than outward and I'm trying so freaking hard to change what's on the inside. I'm nearly twenty-one, I hate my job (full time job at that), and I'm not in school. Yes, I feel as if I'm in a rut but my problems are that of a normal nearly twenty-one year old. I don't drink, I don't party and for the most part, I think I have my shit pretty well figured out. I don't have friends here which I don't mind at all since lately I've just wanted to be alone while I'm at my apartment.

I want to go somewhere. I don't know where this place is and I don't have the courage to become a town to town "wherever the wind takes me" kind of girl, but I really want to go somewhere. I feel this overwhelming voice calling out to me, that I should be doing something great with my life, not just working at Kroger every day. The thing that gets me is that I know that once I get to wherever I'm going to be disappointed and ready to move on to the next thing. I've spent my life being passive and watching things happen to people and I want to take a more active role in my life. I want to live but I feel that in order to live, I have to take a step back.

One of my life goals is to make enough money so I never have to worry about money. I never want to live above my means nor do I want to stress myself out by being too busy. I'm not a busy bee by nature and I never want to become one. I'd love to take a long walk in the woods with my favorite music surrounding me as I walk. I want to meet someone who likes me for me and who I could fall in love with. I want to feel passionate about something or someone. I'm so freaking sick and tired of feeling a heavy weight in my chest as if I can't breath. With that weight comes all these feelings of sadness, fear, anger, unconcern, selfishness, etc.

Why am I cynical and a pessimist when I feel like I was born to be a happy optimist. Why do some people have pink lives with a few black spots thrown in to keep things interesting while others have black lives with tiny specks of pink. I have spent years trying to learn and to convince myself that my life isn't worthless and I will do something amazing, but why do I have to feel so freaking ugly as I wait? Everyone deserves happiness in their lives and I try so incredibly hard to improve myself and my life but I always end up in the same spot: Typing on my laptop at one in the morning, trying to figure my life out.

Why do I have to take a step back any time I want to move forward? I try to eat healthy organic things in my diet without sugars, but then I can't afford to pay all of my bills. I work forty hours a week standing in one spot pressing a button (I hurt the tendon in my arm while pulling water across the register and THE PAIN...owie.) which kills my feet and my knees just so I can make money in order to pay my bills. However, I can't eat organic food since I have to pay for school on my own now and organic things aren't cheap. I also can't workout which I would like to do since I'm always in constant pain from the job which will pay for my school. So, I have to eat cheap crap food and watch tv, which makes me feel gross and withdrawn from reality. I'd love to have friends but I have such a fear of going to places on my own and when would I have the time to be social?

I have prospects of finding love but of course there are problems with that situation as well. Boy asked me out to "hang out" with him on April 7th after he canceled our second date in February. I feel an attraction toward him and I do like him but knowing me...I have to look at the bigger picture to see any potential hurt feelings down the road. I don't see the point in being with someone for years if that person isn't the right one for me. Even though I've only been hanging out with boy for a month, I just don't think anything's going to happen with it. Any time I make a suggestion to do something, he calls last minute with his own suggestion, which we end up doing (circus in favor of eating out and later on a Mexican restaurant in favor of a freaking deli shop). He is nice and he has super awesome goals (firefighter...uhhh...HELLO? Hot fireman, yes please!) yet I feel as if he wouldn't treat me that well if we were dating seriously. I don't feel like he's putting any effort into our "relationship" in whatever form it takes. I know I can seem flighty and high strung at times but I am pretty easy going about things. Outwardly, at least. I called him two weeks ago on the day he knew I had off (I always have Mondays off) and he hasn't called me back. I know that I could have called him again since he keeps hinting more toward a "I know you're busy and I don't know your schedule, so call me whenever you're free" approach but I'd like a little effort, you know? It's not like it's a huge secret to him where I work and I'd love for him to come in and just be like "Hey, how are you?" as he gets whatever. The more he's making me work toward having anything with him, the more turned off I am. I don't want to be the girl who always has to call without any effort on his part. I mean...he hasn't even TRIED to get into my bubble. Maybe he has personal space issues but I get touched more at work by strangers. For this entire month, there has been a literal three foot distance between us. Honestly, I stopped worrying over it two weeks ago since I've been too tired to mess with it. If he wants to TRY and see if there's chemistry between us...cool. If he is just desperate for someone new to talk to...cool. Just let me know, dude.

Then of course there's boy #2. With this boy, I've never had to worry about where I stand with him. He likes me for my dorky self and he's seen every bad side of me. Also, he wants in my pants...and has made it NO secret. I'm not even being full of myself when I type that he wants in my pants as he has told me that he wants in my pants on several occasions. Just last weekend we were doing our flirting thing (ongoing since February when I started) when he asked me "So, when are we going to have sex?" and he wasn't joking. The thing is...if I weren't waiting for someone just a LITTLE special to come along for that oh so important occasion, I'd totally pounce him. Like...in a heartbeat. He gave me a massage last weekend and I nearly melted into a puddle of mush. He said he wants to be a massage therapist and he said he could tell where my stress points were just by looking at me...he touched one spot on my back and I was done for. A little later when he was on break, he did the most wonderful/terrible thing...he massaged my fingers. Yes, it's no secret I melted. I would kill to have a good hand massage and there he was, telling me to sit in front of him on the steps so he could finish what he started. So, with boy #2, he likes me for me, there's attraction, and I have a feeling he'd treat me well. The problem is that I don't feel much of anything for him and we've been friends for three months now. Attraction and affection are two completely different things and I'd like to be able to feel both at the same time.

From boy 1, I want and expect nothing. From boy 2, I just want him to be in my apartment to cuddle with me. I'd like to find love, but at this point I really just want someone in my apartment who I could get along with and like well enough to share the same space. I wouldn't mind sharing a one bedroom apartment with someone who I could cuddle with on a daily basis. I think it could be nice but it's not as if I have the time anyway. Oh...and boy #2 is shorter than me...and black. However, neither of those matter to me in the least. He doesn't mind my larger frame (I'm not built like a pixie) and he's a nerd. He reads comic books and jokes around that his spaceship is parked on the roof and he's from a different planet. He's cute, too. I just don't know how I feel about him. I don't like his teeth. Nice teeth and nice grammar are huge turn-ons for me and his teeth are all messed up. Not in a Josh Jausel way, but more just in a "...Dude, what happened?" way. At least he doesn't smoke? I don't know.

Money problems, boy problems, emotional problems, and just problems. I miss writing and chatting with people who don't really care about me. Oh rping...why have you vanished from my life?

I have now been in Winterville for three weeks and I can honestly type that things are going great. For the most part, it's just been Jonas, the girls, and I but it hasn't been too terrible. The internet in my apartment sucks ass and my phone signal is pretty much nonexistent, but at least I have a place of my own. I'm so freaking impressed with the location, too. I'm a five minute drive away from EVERYTHING. Hell, there's even an indie movie theater just up the road. Happy? Oh, yes.

The only downside is that I'm freaking out about dad's work. He was laid off on the 14th and I've been MADLY trying to find a job since bills are due in a few days. Thank god the interview at Kroger seems to have worked out. I went and talked with the assistant manager a few days ago and he said that everything looked good so.... *crosses fingers* I'll know either way on Monday.

Of course with my luck in timing, Mom and Sis are coming over next week, the same time I may or may not be starting my new job. Ah well, I'm sure everything will work out and I'm really not that worried about it. I'm just hoping Mom passes her ordination interview on Monday or else the entire visit is going to be me trying to cheer her up. Everything always happens at once, doesn't it?

I've gotten a pretty good schedule established in terms of my internet/other things usage. I've been rereading all my old books I haven't looked at in years and since it's been about six years since I've read some of them...I now realize how very, very sucky some of them really are. Out of six books, I'm giving away two, which I think is an excellent start. I also started reading Wicked last night and it's pretty awesome. I had no idea it would be SO different than the musical, and I've had my disappointments with it, but it's good. I have about sixty pages left of the book and I really don't want to finish it. I know that as soon as I do, I'll pick up Son of Wicked and no one shall hear from me in another two days. Must...resist...book!

No, of course I'm not still awake at 1:30 am when I'm going to be moving in an hour....

That's right! In about 15 hours, I shall be in North Carolina with a pick-up truck full of a washer, dryer, dresser, bookcase, bed, futon, two totes, a suitcase, a tv stand, a hamper full of clothes, cat food, and dishes. My dad gets to drive the fun truck. Meanwhile, I will be driving the car that is filled with cat litter, a cat, two rats, rat litter, a chair, a cat bed, pots and pans, and random knick-knacks. I'm sleepy now. I should try sleeping for a few more hours, but I just don't want to! I woke up at midnight when Dad got up, so I spent about half an hour cleaning up the rest of my stuff, sweeping my room, etc. For the most part all my shit is together, but it'll still take me two or three trips to get everything into my car. It's soooo cold out that I know Jonas will just be pissed when we have to go the car. The girls, too.

Ah, well.

I sort of forgot something major, though? I never asked how long my lease is for, so I might get there and be signing a year long lease. That's so much commitment! I haven't had that sort of commitment since I was in Vermont, and even then, the lease was for six months. I mean, really. Look how well that all turned out. At least I'm living on my own this time, so it should be loads better. Wish me luck on living next to sane, quiet people who are my age and willing to be friends! Also, wish me luck in finding friends at all...who don't smoke pot and get drunk on the weekends. People can have fun at parties where no drinking is involved!

I hate when Pepper gets in his freaking moods. He's been screaming for the last hour and he just WON'T SHUT UP. He has food, he has water, and the lights are off. He shouldn't be screaming! It's constant, too. Every...oh....three seconds he talks again? I'm soooo ready to go rattle his cage. Scaring him half to death is the only way to get him to stop. Yelling doesn't work, talking back to him doesn't work. Oy.

I hate getting upset over stupid shit. I guess it's a good thing that in a few weeks, I'll be working too much to even breathe, let alone rp. I take things way too personally and it's always over things that don't even matter in the long run. I distance myself from people for a reason, but it still fucking hurts when I'm reminded of why I do it.

For months I was doing okay. No major breakdowns, no threats of suicide. You know, all that fun stuff. Then, in like...a week, it all just hits me again and I just want to curl up in bed and cry. I hate it when I feel like I don't matter to people. IDK. I know things will be better and I usually get like this when I'm around the family. Every other year, it's a family knock down. Why do I avoid confrontation and am passive aggressive? Because my brother is a scary guy who will knock you down if you get him angry enough. Yay for more family drama.

Man, I just need to move out already. I know I'll be better once I'm on my own, but right now I'm just killing myself with all these negative thoughts. I'm not suicidal in the least, which is a huge step, but I'm still feeling sorry for myself. I have this weird thing that I've been thinking about for nearly a year now. What bothers me the most out of EVERYTHING that I'm dealing with, is that I'm not someone's favorite. In the world, someone always has a favorite someone. I don't think I'm really anyone's favorite. At least with my friends. I'm not much for one who likes to fit in or feel important, but I just feel GOOD knowing that someone likes me more than they like anyone else. I don't know. It's weird. It's probably my youngest child syndrome coming through. I don't want the attention to be on me, necessarily. I just want someone to like me better than other people. That sentence right there makes me sound like a shit person, but there it is. I've done this since high school. Meh.


.....and one of the girls is making a really high pitched noise and it's making me worried. God, I need to clean their cage tomorrow. One more thing to add to the list. At least I get to see Jenny tomorrow. She makes me happy. Also...she's getting MARRIED. My Jenny...married. Weeeird.

A fear of clowns plus a creepy ass episode of Supernatural about CLOWNS? This was a very, very bad idea.

I love how I go in phases with this. There's just so much that happens that I get all sorts of  "OMG, TOO MUCH TO DO" that I never think about updating here. I reread good AIM conversations and everything happens on there, so updating my journal seems pointless, you know? I should start updating more again. LJ is really ugly now and it makes me scared to come here and read entries from people and the like. Also, CUF has been overun by scary girls who don't know how to type and are pretty much stalking the boys, so I never go there anymore, either. Get it back to the way it was in February, and I'm in again! Reading 100+ posts a day of random pictures of the guys is just hard to do.

Well, I'm in my first OC game, called The Fruitful Project. The weird thing? I'm the co-mod!

Since no one really reads this, I'll just bullet point important things.

-Lydia's was a bust. I was still stressed out there, and that was supposed to be a super relaxing place.

-I have found an apartment in Winterville, NC (but will be going to school in Greenville...the town that is an entire block away from my apartment) and for the first time, I will be living on my own. Am I scared that Asian horror movie chicks will be attacking me in the dark? Yes. Is it worth my privacy and only cleaning up after me? HELL YES.

-I'm now at my mom's house and have been for a week-ish. Things have been really good. She and Dad (via Mom's credit card) have bought me EVERYTHING that I need for the house. Since I have all the big furniture, it's just been the little things, like silverware and dishes. I have it all, though! Mom gave me everything she had in the spare bathroom, like the shower curtain and such. She also bought me new REALLY cute clothes. Am I currently wearing my new pair of jeans that PROVES that I've lost two sizes in as many years? Yes, yes I am. Are they baggy once a little stretched out? Yes, yes they are. Good lord, I'm happy about this.

-Fruitful is going AMAZINGLY well. Have met Mhia and Trey (*hearts*) and I have four characters, and one is actually new! I can't even begin to say how happy I am about this game. The three of us met at Getting Hitched (hitched_mod) over at IJ and we just hit it off. My Susan was paired with Trey's Terry and my Angelina was paired with Mhia's Eddie. Yay!

-I just found the band that did the song Love and Memories and am downloading all their albums now.

-Found a new music downloading thing that LETS you download an entire album with just one click. Will I be online all night? Oh, yes. Three artists that I want right now. Who knows how many more if I put my mind to it. I've been wanting new music, but limewire takes so LONG to find the right version of this song. *purrs and pets new program*

-Dad has a laptop now which is WEIRD and he's getting wireless internet on the 23rd.

-Mom and Dad aren't making me work for the next three weeks that I'm home in order to make enough money to move into my apartment. Instead, they're borrowing more money from the bank to get me there sooner. I feel HORRIBLE about that, but I desperately do not want to work at Wal-Mart. I'm going to be applying for jobs in Greenville while I'm still home, so that by the time I get over there, I'll have several interviews set up (hopefully). WIth a town the size of Greenville, there should be a ton of opportunites for an experienced cashier to find work.

-And O.A.R makes me really, really happy. I'm in love!

It's official. NaNoWriMo is on again!

Now, of course I'm going to be gone for the next week or so. BUT, I will try to get something done in the process.


822/50,000

My reaction to House, season 5, episode 1?


:(

Why is it that when someone young dies, people can only talk about how happy the kid was. "He/She always smiled and loved live. Everyone loved him/her!" You never hear "Yeah, I hated that bitch."

IDK.

My dad has gotten so weird since he's stopped smoking. You know, there's the whole thing where he didn't even TELL us that he has stopped smoking until months after the fact, then he won't tell us WHY he's stopped smoking.  Ever since he's stopped, he's been really short of breathe and he gets really winded. Also, his habit was that he smoked every four hours, so every four hours, he went outside. He still does that now, since he's been smoking for most of his life. So, he wakes up, walks outside, then a minute later, he walks back in. It's so strange.

I'm at the library waiting for things to start happening. Once I get home, I just get in SUCH a bad mood and I want to sleep all the time. I'm pushing what...fourteen hours? I'm just waiting for this week to be ooooooover. I could be on my way to South Carolina now, but no. I have to stay a week more so I can change the cat litter at my mom's house. WTF, honestly?
 

Mer mer mer. Now I'm in  a very foul mood due to online stuff. I don't want anything to do with these people anymore, yet I'm once again stuck with them. Urgh. 

I'm starting to feel restless again. There have been a ton of changes in the last month and right now, I'm sitting on the couch at my mom's house just BORED. I really don't want to be online, either, so I think I'm going to get offline and watch Annie and have a bowl of ice cream. I will be leaving for South Carolina very soon. It totally doesn't feel like the 20th of August to me at ALL. I feel like the summer has just started.

Also, I don't know what to do with Muff anymore. When I brought Jonas to meet him, he was PISSED at me. Even now, he's still furious and jealous. I know he's a cat, but I can tell that he's pissed. Anytime I go to pet him, he tolerates it, but when I go to pick him up, his ears go back, his teeth are showing and he growls something fierce. This is MY Muffin we're talking about! He doesn't DO that to anyone, let alone ME. He claimed me as his person when I was seven or eight years old when we found him. He was this tiny little two month old black ball on the side of the road. Mom put him on my lap and he was instantly asleep. It was seriously love at first sight. I tortured that poor cat, too. I forced him into baby clothes, made him drink from bottles and all that good stuff. I had fun carrying him around the house upside down, yet he was undeniably mine. He spent hours asleep on my lap and there wasn't ten minutes that would go by without me calling his name, with him coming for a pet. Now, it's completely different. He made me cry last night, because my feelings are so hurt by him. I was trying to give him a cuddle and he was growling so much, and I lectured him. I told him that he shouldn't act like such a little bastard just because I brought a new kitten home. He tried to get away, and I smacked his behind. I don't tolerate crap from cats. I read online last night about the jealousy of cats, so I spent like...an hour petting him and telling him how much I still love him and that he doesn't need to worry about Jonas.

So, this morning, he returned the favor by pissing in my suitcase and all over my clothes. He has NEVER, not ONCE peed outside of the littler box, and he's like...eleven. I was sososososo soooooooooooooo annoyed. Muff, I get it that you're angry with me, but you don't have to PISS on my stuff! Everyone in the world knows that I'm your person so STOP BEING JEALOUS. I was going to bring you home to Steeleville so I could snuggle you whenever I wanted, but now, I want nothing to do with you.

Merlin save me from grumpy 17 year old boys. I honestly have never met anyone so grumpy. Meg's brother was watching tv downstairs when I came down. I came in, sat down and asked if he knew where Meg was. I got a blank stare and a veeeeeeeeery small headshake. After another two minutes, he got up moodily and went up to his room, shutting the door. I'm like "*blinks* I'm not allowed to sit and watch the same movie as you?" Oy vey.

Hi random person who just added me! No idea who you are, so if you wanted to introduce yourself, that would be FANtastic! ^_^ Welcome to the insanity, anyway!

Good lord, it's hot. Good intentions never work out well for me, since I've needed to update this thing fiercely, yet I still haven't done it.

The BIG THING is that in the span of a month, I turned 20, went to three JB concerts, spent a week and a half at my sister's in NC, went to South Carolina and thought about moving in with Lydia.

So, be prepared for a massive amount of posts for each topic, as it would be too long to post it together. Right now, I'm sitting in my room at my sister's house after a loooong weekend in South Carolina. I was supposed to go into her office so I could earn some money, but I didn't go to  bed until five-ish, so that plan will have to wait for tomorrow.

South Carolina was AMAZING. I haven't seen Lydia in about 10 years (okay, so more like 8, since Eli was only a few months old the last time I saw them) and she immediately greeted me when I showed up at her house with sis. We got in about 10, which was late, considering we left sis's house at 4. I slept in Mackenzie's bed, as she is in Illinois right now with her late dad's family. My nose was majorly wrinkled as her bed smelled every bit like the teenaged soccer player she is. The entire bed just smelled like a girl who hasn't showered after sweating a whoooole bunch. I was pretty much cracking up at that. When I woke up, it was to a little Eli coming into my room, dumping a puppy (sis's new dog, who is only 13 weeks old. PIC!) onto the bed and staring at me. Keep in mind, that this was the first time I've really met him. I woke up, and we all spent from 11 am to 4 pm on the beeeeeach. She rents an apartment literally four or five blocks away from a quiet part of the beach. It was awesome, but even though I applied sunscreen three different times, my neck still got red :(

After that, we went to this awesome store called Mellow Mood, where my sis and I decided that in two years, we're going to go to India together for a month. The culture is amazing and I would lovelovelove to go.

The major thing that happened was that sis and I had a loooooooooooong talk on the way up, and I think that we're FINALLY going to get to be more friends than sisters. We really had a heavy talk and I think a lot of things are better between us now. The second biggest thing is that I might be moving to SC instead of staying in Illinois to go to school. I might be moving as soon as the end of August, if I can convince my parents to let me go. I'd spend the day walking around Charleston which is totally my kind of speed or on the beach or working at the local grocery store...where Lydia knows the manager. Everything is just so laid back there and I think it'll be perfect for where I am right now.

I also bought THE coolest converse sneakers ever. I'll be posting pictures once I actually get my camera out to take pics.

Meg isn't online, so I have to share my love with someone, even if it is to who-knows-who on the internet. Okay, so....Meg plays Michael Abercrombie, the son of Amalia Goldstein and Josh Abercrombie. Michael is played by Douglas Smith, who I'm quickly realizing is just plain ADORABLE. Meg was telling me how he's in a tv show called Big Love where he's shirtless. So, of course I watched it and uhh...yum.

I've come to realize that my perfect guy would be: Tall, skinny, Jewish, have dark, curly hair, and look ridiculously young for his age. IDK. There's always a part of me that doesn't want to grow up and I'll admit that I still think 16 and 17 year old guys are more attractive than 20-something year olds. I can't help it...it just happens. Soooooooo....Adam Lamberg and Douglas Smith are my kind of guys. Even though, you know....Adam Lamberg is super short. BUT...both look to be about 17, but are in fact 20-something. Douglas Smith is almost 24 and he plays a 16 year old and looks every bit the 16 year old....except he's 6'3.

So...........he has my love. I want to touch him. :| Right now, I'm watching his movie Citizen Duane and I find it HILARIOUS that a 6'3 guy is crouching super low to hide behind a compact car...and he does it so WELL!

Good lord, it's not even five minutes into the movie and I'm cracking up hardcore. God, he's SO FREAKING TALL. And Uncle Bingo? WTH. Douglas Smith has such a baby face. He for real looks about 16...but his body is of a man's. So brooooooad shoulders and this teeny little head on top. Poor guy. BB also needs to stop slouching.

Tonight has seriously been the best night I've had since I got to Illinois. I've just been in an almost permanent bad mood. I'm always DYING to get online to my Goldsteins with Meg, but as soon as I do, I want to be back at home doing nothing. I've lost like ALL interest in a few of the couples, but I know it's because of my situation, not the couples. Since I've gotten home, it's been just like it was two years ago. I have NO interest in anything, my mood has been pretty bad and I've been eating SO much crap.

In Vermont, I was eating two moderate meals a day and being pretty active. Here, I've eaten three heavy meals, and then ice cream to finish it off each night. The most activity I've done is drive, then walk around a mall. I hate feeling sluggish and gross, but there hasn't been healthy food at ALL...and I haven't had access to good, heavy food in a really long time. So, I've basically been feeling like crap since I got here.

Tonight was REALLY good, though. Gregory wanted me to come over to play DDR with him and his friend Katie. I packed up the game, wore my too-tight dance pants (I'm pretty proud of myself for even getting IN these pants...it's never happened before) and went over to play a MASSIVELY long game of DDR. For like...three hours, Gregory, his friend, Joe, and I went in turns. Then, for about an hour, Joe and I went battle mode, dancing three dances each. Katie offered to give me her DDR game, since she didn't have a mat for it and she only played with the controller. Then, Joe said that he had Sims 2 (I have TWO versions and BOTH refused to work) and he would give it to me. So, in one night, I got THREE new games, since Joe also had the Sims Castaway game. I'm very, very happy. The older DDR game Katie had is AMAZING. It goes a lot more faster and it has songs on it like Y.M.C.A. For literally half an hour, I danced up a hardcore storm. By the end of my dancing spree to test out my new game, my legs were completely numb and I totally fell to the floor in an exhausted heap.

For the first time in WEEKS, I feel really good, both physically and mentally. I don't feel nearly as sluggish as I did a few days ago, and I've been getting really good workouts with my DDR. I've already mastered the Beginner level, getting all A's, even on the hard songs, so I've moved up to Basic....it's been interesting on that level. I'm SO not good at it, but I have loads of fun. I'm sososososo happy right now, even though I DO feel slightly ill from dancing too much with too little water. O